I know deep inside, I am not the child my parents wanted. I can tell by the way they look into my eyes, because theirs glaze over, and by the way they don’t take anything I say too seriously. I can tell by the way they ask me about my future, and when I say, “I’m not sure but,” they lose interest in knowing. I can tell when they read the newspaper and see all the successful honor students at my school, they sigh, because my name isn’t printed in ink on the list. I feel like when I talk, they don’t really listen, because if they did, they would read between the lines and realize I wanted to kill myself a hundred times. I feel like when I’m upset I can no longer show emotion, because my mother has called me lazy too many times, and my dad has shook his head once too many. I feel like when I’m sitting on the couch when I get home from school, they are disgusted because I should be “doing something more productive.” So I don’t even feel like being comfortable in my own home anymore. I feel like I have to hide away in my room, because when I’m around them we don’t talk much anyways. I feel like I’m just another tab on their bill, especially when all they talk about is how they’re low on money and make it feel like it’s my fault. It’s just, I think they wanted someone more, someone better. I think they wanted a smart kid, with a great passion for life, who is nothing but happy, busy, talented, outgoing. They wanted someone who would for sure succeed more than they did in life, someone who could assure them assistance in their older years. But they got me, the kid who’s shy, the one who gets okay grades, the kid that doesn’t have many friends, the kid who’s sad most the time, the kid who has secretly attempted suicide. The kid who’s just another kid, not the kid who’s nothing like me. I’m sorry.
if you stabbed me i’d probably bleed nutella
Your posts are the cacophonous cries of the damned. I don't give two shits about whether or not you're a lesbian, Cuckquean, Otherkin, Bulgarian romantic, or whatever stupid ass made up names you have for yourself. We don't pick on you because you're any of those, we pick on you because you're the lowest common denominator bitch that needs her cunt sewn shut.
- Abuse: I know it is hard to believe at the moment, but please know that it was not your fault. You did not and do not deserve to be hurt. You deserve the very best. If you haven't told anyone about what happened, please think about it. Talking about it, even just to a tumblr follower will help you in the long run.
- Post traumatic stress disorder: If you have nightmares and flashbacks about your past, it's ok. It doesn't mean that you are weak, not at all, it just means that your brain is having trouble coping with what happened and is trying to find a way to. Talking to someone about what happened will help you. It won't be easy and it will take time, but eventually it willl fade away with help.
- Rape: It was not your fault. He/she had no right to take advantage of you. You never asked for it. It wasnt because of what you were weariing or how much you drank...if you never said yes its not consensual. If you couldnt stop the person that doesnt mean you were weak or deserved it. You aren't alone. I am here for you.
- Anxiety: Its ok to be not ok. Being anxious doesn't make you weak. Just remember to take deep breathes and try to meditate. It's going to be ok. I am here for you.
- Self Harm: I know how hard it is to deal with the urges to cut or hurt yourself in some way. Please know that I am here for you whenever you need someone to talk to. You don't need to hurt yourself. You dont deserve pain. You are amazing. i hope one day you believe me.
- Eating disorders: No matter what size jeans you wear, you are beautiful. The number on the scale does not determine your worth. Food is fuel for your body, just like cars need gas your body needs food. Food wont make you fat ugly disgusting or anything negative. You are beautiful just the way you are. You are worthwhile. You are important.
- Depression: Unable to get out of bed today? that's ok. Just curl up with a blanket and snuggle under your sheets. You are ok. Even the darkest nights will end. You can't see rainbows without a storm, but this storm will pass. I am proud of you just for being alive. If you were able to get out of bed, i am proud of you. If you stayed in your pjs all day, i am proud of you. If you tried to smile but couldn't I am proud of you. If you managed to smile, I am proud of you.
- Suicidal: I know it is hard. I know you are struggling. But I promise you it will get better. Maybe not tomorrow or next year, but eventually your life will turn around. I am so proud of you for being alive when you feel all hope is lost. Please never give up. You deserve to live. I am here for you. Please never give up, not tonight, not tomorrow, not ever. Talk to someone and let them help you. You are so worthwhile. I love you. You are not alone.
mom: hey *dad’s name* oh whoops i mean *brother’s name* oh no *sister’s name* i mean *name of the family goldfish* ah shoot i meant *your name* can you get down here really quick i need something
my dad has literally called me by his own name.
my mother has called me our cats name who has been dead for five years